First Purchases

 


Do you remember what your first purchase was for your little one? For Chloe, technically mine was a gift from her Nana. A cute, gender neutral outfit because we didn’t know if she was a boy or girl. 
For this baby, the first purchase was a dreaded one. Baby stuff is cute, don’t get me wrong. Purchasing that first item is terrifying after a loss. Just the idea that you could purchase something that you could not use this time around too is difficult.
My first purchase for our angel baby? Onesies that we used for our announcement to our parents. Will we use them for our rainbow? Maybe. Maybe not. I honestly couldn’t tell you. They're still up in the top of our spare closet.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at all the cute onesies and nurseries until 15 weeks this time around. I didn’t make a single purchase until 15 weeks. We didn't make it past 12 weeks pregnant last time.
I also bought some maternity clothes the first time around while Motherhood was going out of business. That was right before the first COVID shut down in March. I still don’t fit in them. 
The site of these baby clothes and maternity clothes made me cry after our loss. My mom had to help me pack them away in a spare closet. 
Our office was going to be turned into a nursery. I couldn’t go in there for weeks, maybe months, either. To this day it is just collecting random household items that don’t have a place. I recently put all the baby items (clothes given to us, a diaper genie, random formula samples) and moved all my business gear to the guest room. 
At 15 weeks I finally purchased…..Binkies. Two small, newborn sized, green binkies that were on sale on Amazon that came highly recommended. I was so scared I didn’t even tell my husband at first. One day they just arrived and sat in the package after I opened it. I waited to put them away. Now, they've made their way to what will be the nursery.
Who knows if he will even like them hahah. You never know. Chloe didn’t use binkies. 
On that note, don’t take action until you’re ready. I wasn’t ready to buy baby items. Sometimes I still don’t feel ready. I only purchased a carseat and extra base this week because it was on sale for Black Friday/Cyber Monday. It stills feels early. A crib? I start to look and get overwhelmed by all the choices. What if I pick the wrong one or I don’t like it when it gets here? Isn’t 21 weeks to early to be purchasing a crib and mattress? It feels like it. 
21 weeks is over half way. We could be closer to meeting our rainbow then we think, but all of these decisions are hard – even the little ones. 

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